I love this picture. Wish i had watercolor skills.

i hate quizzes

So I'm sitting in computer art two bout to do a critique after everyone finishes the crazy hard quiz I just took. I hope mine doesn't get butchered. Also i don't understand the people who sit there and rack their brains to try to find an answer they don't know. just hand in ur test already! you don't know the answer! it's not going to just randomly pop into your brain! also i hope that matt doesn't want to be my friend just for physical reasons cus that is not gonna fly. i miss just talking to him but whatever if he doesn't want that then fine maybe it would be best if we weren't friends anymore... i really hope that's not the case cus I would be VERY sad but i mean life is life. i can't force things that aren't spose to happen you know? also my new computer is sitting in stephens house and i want it! i cannot wait to have a computer that doesn't look and weight like a brick and that is new, sleek, fast and just better lol. I can't complain though cus at least I had a computer. Well everyone is almost done. Time to go for now. i've got a looooooong day ahead of me and i've been putting off studying for my psyc exam. gotta get on that.

at least its not raining

Is it sad that i find myself living vicariously (so spelled wrong) through my friends' lives? i mean the whole thing with tijuana and her mystery man (who's no mystery to me) but anyway... am i really able to offer advice? i know what i want her to do but do i only want her to do it because that's what I would do? Also when did this week get so busy? can't wait for spring break. i might get to see wolverine!!! :D anyway what else is there to say? you guys are kicking me in my blog butt. im not as blogg-y as i once was but i blame that on being busy. new computer soon! i forgot! maybe more blogging then? who knows. adios peeps.

p.s. this poster took me forever! grrr. i think it looks ok though

why does the world care what i do?

im in a funk. work sucked. got off an hour late. people are lazy at work too and that drive me insane. you want to blame me for us running out of chicken? fine. idc. just do something about it. and jeff you wanna tell me how it's my fault for ruining my relationship w/ matt? then fine go ahead. i know who I am and i know what i've done so say whatever you want. I may be crumbling but I will never fall because I've got people to support me. There may not be a lot of them but what they lack in numbers they make up for in awesomeness :D

I just don't understand why other people find business that is not their own so interesting. Also i hate liars. if you're gonna lie to me save yourself the time and just tell me to my face. I'll prob hate you but at least i'll respect you.

k i've given up on writing this paper. time for a shower and bed i guess. not much left to say. night all.

ugh work

I LOVE TIJUANA!!!!!! just had to do it lol :D
oh and i close tonight making only 3 closers... of course on project runway night. im pissed

to paint or not to paint?

So it's been awhile since i've written anything but these past few weeks have been crazy for me. right now i'm people watching. there's an older couple... her hair is 80s but her outfit is cute, 2 women reading, a couple i can't see and then alex lol. What's up w/ him anyway? I need to crack him open. but that's another story lol. today my one class of the day got canceled so i'm going to try to be the good student and start my paper. shouldn't be too hard because no one is available to distract me right now. (right now being the operative words lol). I kinda wanna paint... maybe i'll bring my paint stuff down... i'd rather do that then write my paper. but waht would i paint? the panera cup infront of me has so many highlights i think it would be hard to capture in watercolor. people? never tried that.... i guess i'll figure it out. and whats w/ everyone being so moody lately? did i miss something?

anyway shoutout to my homie tijuana. oh how im going to miss you girl. I can tell you anything and sometimes you laugh other times you're prob. thinking to yourself is that girl really serious but no matter what you listen which is usually just what i want. im afraid that we wont see each other as much and i don't want to monopolize your time lol. but i'll be ok. at least until she leaves me for the hockey and maple syrup land. i spotted ben! why didn't he want to sit w/ me? are we not on that level yet? guess not. I really wanna paint now! i think i might do it. also why didn't allie say hi to me? im sad. does ben come before me now? who knows. and why do i have sat. off? also odd... should i go see stephen? i wish he lived closer.

alright. time to go paint or write or research. whatever.

I love natalie Dee!

old'n days

so why are the old'n days better?
are they like our childhood? good warm memories from the past?
how old are they?
I think they just remind us of what use to be
old friends
familiar places
The way we wish things could be again
well it's nice to travel back through the past again

Caveman

so i'm gonna keep this short sweet and to the point.
1. got a B+ on my naked lady collage!!!!! (happy dance)
2. got 2 of my pics in the photography show (extra happy dance)
3. didn't realize i had a quiz but hopefully she opens it back up
4. miss my bf
5. went to captains ball
6. read fun fairy tales
7. watched a bear moon walk
8. going to menchville friday
9. workin a lot tomorrow
10. portfolio reviews on thurs!

that's all i can think of right now lol

i just can't make sense of myself

lately im up and down. today moreso down but hopefully that will pick up tonight. so i still don't know if stephen is coming to see me and its driving me crazy. i don't wanna be alone this weekend :( and the fact that i don't know where i stand with matt is driving me crazy even though i thought i could just forget about it. my stupid brain won't let me. oh well. i gotta go hop in the shower and get rid of the stale bread smell. ugh i swear give me bleach anyday, a sweat sock idc just not the smell of panera. ughhhhh (shudders)

:) :) :) :)

So even though it's been a super long day, i've only had one meal, i froze my ass off in my teacher pants, i ran out of gas, im sleep deprived and i have really greasy hair right now i still have a smile on my face... wonder why. but im not complaining :)

deep down if nothing else you should save yourself

Deep down, steady heart breathe now, I'm reaching out to touch you because I can't breathe at all, I can't feel at all

every day is a new day

so now there's a little ray of sunshine in my dark clouds. i have the worlds best friends. they cheer me up when im down. ihave an amazing boyfriend who manages to make me laugh and smile when i need to most. so why am i still a bit upset? my self control is lacking and it's getting harder to say goodbye. but how will things end? will there ever really be an end? only time can tell. i have a feeling every day is going to be its own and different from the one before. I can't be upset with the way things have turned out as long as he's happy. that's all that matters to me. when my friends are happy i'm happy. (i do draw the line somewhere though lol). so who knows if there will be more parties, more camps, more drawings and beans lol. all i know is i can't dwell on the negative. i gotta start noticing the positive. well im off to work. hopefully i can remember the positive there lol.

lost

i just don't know what to do anymore. how can you control a situation when you're not the one in control? How do you ever get back to the friend zone when one of you crosses that line? you can't just go back into the past and wish that things were different. the truth is hard to face and it's proving pretty difficult at the moment. I have this giant pit in my stomach, i feel like im going to throw up and im super pissed at the same time. i don't want this one day i like you the next day i don't relationship. it's too much work. i just want to be friends. i just want the person i can talk to about anything. i was never allowed to push you away but now you're pushing me. i guess i just can't accept that sometimes there aren't happy endings as much as you may want them. real life is not always happy endings. so i end this not knowing where i stand. all i know is im confused, upset, sad and just feeling like a not so great person right now.

little moments

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me

this is why i love my friends. (if you don't get it sorry)

No more snow days

So my MAT application is extended (score) as is the photography entries (double score!) I think it's kind of odd how two people and just ignore the past and act like it never happened and then just fall into this sort of awkward harmony again. It's mind boggling to me and it's hard to sit and try and figure it out. I am the type who holds grudges so when someone just acts like things never happened i'm actually shocked. i also realized that it really bugs me when someone won't tell me what i've done wrong because in my mind i want to fix it but if i don't know what's broken i can't.

we're also the only school today that is open in the newport news area prob further. just sucks. anyway i should stop ranting. it's not becoming of ladies but then again when am i ever becoming. i'm just as manly as the next guy/ or girl/ or whatever you know what i mean. so i just gotta suck life up into one big straw and move on. i gotta stop dwelling on the past or how things should have gone because i waste too much present time in the past.