sleepin is for lovers

i hate when everyone leaves while ur sleeping and then you wake up... just saying. it's a weird feeling. i feel like i lost so many hours and i've missed so much... again just a really odd feeling. it throws me time all out of whack.

blah blah blah

so now im kinda feeling alone. everyone is gone for spring break. im sitting here by myself. i smell like bread and i hate it. also since when do we get to not come in just cus our back hurts? ugh i was pissed bout that cus i never get to call out. anyway, i gotta clean but i prob won't and i have hw i could do but i prob won't lol. i still gotta fill out my housing paperwork. kinda bad i haven't done it yet. Im watching tv and there's a guy w/ a big furry cuff thing on his arm... people are so odd sometimes. k well i gotta go shower. im exhausted and stinky. bad combo. hope i get to see tijuana tonight too.

today is the perfect day to be outside... and if my boyfriend was there even better :)

It's just one of those go for a walk w/ ur ipod and happy music day.

Anyone wanna join me? I really wish i had my camera :(

I love this picture. Wish i had watercolor skills.

i hate quizzes

So I'm sitting in computer art two bout to do a critique after everyone finishes the crazy hard quiz I just took. I hope mine doesn't get butchered. Also i don't understand the people who sit there and rack their brains to try to find an answer they don't know. just hand in ur test already! you don't know the answer! it's not going to just randomly pop into your brain! also i hope that matt doesn't want to be my friend just for physical reasons cus that is not gonna fly. i miss just talking to him but whatever if he doesn't want that then fine maybe it would be best if we weren't friends anymore... i really hope that's not the case cus I would be VERY sad but i mean life is life. i can't force things that aren't spose to happen you know? also my new computer is sitting in stephens house and i want it! i cannot wait to have a computer that doesn't look and weight like a brick and that is new, sleek, fast and just better lol. I can't complain though cus at least I had a computer. Well everyone is almost done. Time to go for now. i've got a looooooong day ahead of me and i've been putting off studying for my psyc exam. gotta get on that.

at least its not raining

Is it sad that i find myself living vicariously (so spelled wrong) through my friends' lives? i mean the whole thing with tijuana and her mystery man (who's no mystery to me) but anyway... am i really able to offer advice? i know what i want her to do but do i only want her to do it because that's what I would do? Also when did this week get so busy? can't wait for spring break. i might get to see wolverine!!! :D anyway what else is there to say? you guys are kicking me in my blog butt. im not as blogg-y as i once was but i blame that on being busy. new computer soon! i forgot! maybe more blogging then? who knows. adios peeps.

p.s. this poster took me forever! grrr. i think it looks ok though

why does the world care what i do?

im in a funk. work sucked. got off an hour late. people are lazy at work too and that drive me insane. you want to blame me for us running out of chicken? fine. idc. just do something about it. and jeff you wanna tell me how it's my fault for ruining my relationship w/ matt? then fine go ahead. i know who I am and i know what i've done so say whatever you want. I may be crumbling but I will never fall because I've got people to support me. There may not be a lot of them but what they lack in numbers they make up for in awesomeness :D

I just don't understand why other people find business that is not their own so interesting. Also i hate liars. if you're gonna lie to me save yourself the time and just tell me to my face. I'll prob hate you but at least i'll respect you.

k i've given up on writing this paper. time for a shower and bed i guess. not much left to say. night all.

ugh work

I LOVE TIJUANA!!!!!! just had to do it lol :D
oh and i close tonight making only 3 closers... of course on project runway night. im pissed

to paint or not to paint?

So it's been awhile since i've written anything but these past few weeks have been crazy for me. right now i'm people watching. there's an older couple... her hair is 80s but her outfit is cute, 2 women reading, a couple i can't see and then alex lol. What's up w/ him anyway? I need to crack him open. but that's another story lol. today my one class of the day got canceled so i'm going to try to be the good student and start my paper. shouldn't be too hard because no one is available to distract me right now. (right now being the operative words lol). I kinda wanna paint... maybe i'll bring my paint stuff down... i'd rather do that then write my paper. but waht would i paint? the panera cup infront of me has so many highlights i think it would be hard to capture in watercolor. people? never tried that.... i guess i'll figure it out. and whats w/ everyone being so moody lately? did i miss something?

anyway shoutout to my homie tijuana. oh how im going to miss you girl. I can tell you anything and sometimes you laugh other times you're prob. thinking to yourself is that girl really serious but no matter what you listen which is usually just what i want. im afraid that we wont see each other as much and i don't want to monopolize your time lol. but i'll be ok. at least until she leaves me for the hockey and maple syrup land. i spotted ben! why didn't he want to sit w/ me? are we not on that level yet? guess not. I really wanna paint now! i think i might do it. also why didn't allie say hi to me? im sad. does ben come before me now? who knows. and why do i have sat. off? also odd... should i go see stephen? i wish he lived closer.

alright. time to go paint or write or research. whatever.

I love natalie Dee!

old'n days

so why are the old'n days better?
are they like our childhood? good warm memories from the past?
how old are they?
I think they just remind us of what use to be
old friends
familiar places
The way we wish things could be again
well it's nice to travel back through the past again

Caveman

so i'm gonna keep this short sweet and to the point.
1. got a B+ on my naked lady collage!!!!! (happy dance)
2. got 2 of my pics in the photography show (extra happy dance)
3. didn't realize i had a quiz but hopefully she opens it back up
4. miss my bf
5. went to captains ball
6. read fun fairy tales
7. watched a bear moon walk
8. going to menchville friday
9. workin a lot tomorrow
10. portfolio reviews on thurs!

that's all i can think of right now lol

i just can't make sense of myself

lately im up and down. today moreso down but hopefully that will pick up tonight. so i still don't know if stephen is coming to see me and its driving me crazy. i don't wanna be alone this weekend :( and the fact that i don't know where i stand with matt is driving me crazy even though i thought i could just forget about it. my stupid brain won't let me. oh well. i gotta go hop in the shower and get rid of the stale bread smell. ugh i swear give me bleach anyday, a sweat sock idc just not the smell of panera. ughhhhh (shudders)

:) :) :) :)

So even though it's been a super long day, i've only had one meal, i froze my ass off in my teacher pants, i ran out of gas, im sleep deprived and i have really greasy hair right now i still have a smile on my face... wonder why. but im not complaining :)

deep down if nothing else you should save yourself

Deep down, steady heart breathe now, I'm reaching out to touch you because I can't breathe at all, I can't feel at all

every day is a new day

so now there's a little ray of sunshine in my dark clouds. i have the worlds best friends. they cheer me up when im down. ihave an amazing boyfriend who manages to make me laugh and smile when i need to most. so why am i still a bit upset? my self control is lacking and it's getting harder to say goodbye. but how will things end? will there ever really be an end? only time can tell. i have a feeling every day is going to be its own and different from the one before. I can't be upset with the way things have turned out as long as he's happy. that's all that matters to me. when my friends are happy i'm happy. (i do draw the line somewhere though lol). so who knows if there will be more parties, more camps, more drawings and beans lol. all i know is i can't dwell on the negative. i gotta start noticing the positive. well im off to work. hopefully i can remember the positive there lol.

lost

i just don't know what to do anymore. how can you control a situation when you're not the one in control? How do you ever get back to the friend zone when one of you crosses that line? you can't just go back into the past and wish that things were different. the truth is hard to face and it's proving pretty difficult at the moment. I have this giant pit in my stomach, i feel like im going to throw up and im super pissed at the same time. i don't want this one day i like you the next day i don't relationship. it's too much work. i just want to be friends. i just want the person i can talk to about anything. i was never allowed to push you away but now you're pushing me. i guess i just can't accept that sometimes there aren't happy endings as much as you may want them. real life is not always happy endings. so i end this not knowing where i stand. all i know is im confused, upset, sad and just feeling like a not so great person right now.

little moments

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me

this is why i love my friends. (if you don't get it sorry)

No more snow days

So my MAT application is extended (score) as is the photography entries (double score!) I think it's kind of odd how two people and just ignore the past and act like it never happened and then just fall into this sort of awkward harmony again. It's mind boggling to me and it's hard to sit and try and figure it out. I am the type who holds grudges so when someone just acts like things never happened i'm actually shocked. i also realized that it really bugs me when someone won't tell me what i've done wrong because in my mind i want to fix it but if i don't know what's broken i can't.

we're also the only school today that is open in the newport news area prob further. just sucks. anyway i should stop ranting. it's not becoming of ladies but then again when am i ever becoming. i'm just as manly as the next guy/ or girl/ or whatever you know what i mean. so i just gotta suck life up into one big straw and move on. i gotta stop dwelling on the past or how things should have gone because i waste too much present time in the past.

weekends

so this weekend seems like a movie to me. there's drama, suspense, action, comedy, emotion, lots of tears and a bit of romance. do you ever feel like you're not in your body? like you're someone else? like you can see what's happening but you know you shouldn't do it? it's odd watching yourself do something knowing that you can't stop it. It sucks even more when you know that you prob could. i hate that i can't remember everything from sat. night and i promise not to let myself get like that again. I ended up hurting two people and all for what? just so that i could loosen up and have some fun? it wasn't worth it.

I tend to forgive people too easily. it also seems that i can hurt people just as easily. I tend to forgive so easily because i want to make them like me again. i don't wanna lose those people closest to me even if they do hurt me or i hurt them. somehow i always find a way to make it better. I'm just afraid that one day i won't be able to make things better and eventually i'll be alone. that's one of my greatest fears if not my most. i never want to be truly alone. im afraid that i won't be able to make it on my own. even though im quite independent i still have a layer of people supporting me and without them i would crumble.

It's hard to tell yourself what's wrong and right, what you should and shouldn't do, who it's ok to hurt and others you would never risk hurting. i find myself questioning what i do and what i think often these days. as much as i seem confused in my head i do know who's important to me and who i need in my supportive layer. there are a rare few that i whole heartedly trust even when they betray me or let me down and these are the people im most afraid of losing. these are also the people that mean the most to me and i never want to see them unhappy especially because of me. so now i am going to think more about my actions so that i can avoid all this pain i seem to be causing. it's funny how a little snow can change everything you know. this has been one weekend full of events and emotions that many people aside from me will never forget.

still friday...

so no bf this weekend. boo. but that's ok i'll survive w/out him. It's kind of a weird time right now. the library just emptied out w/ all the students rushing to print their papers before class and im left here surfing the web for about an hour before class. i keep hearing the buzz of my phone, the hum of the printer and the sound of keys being attacked my fingers. Sometimes you'll hear a brave soul yelling in the library. the one many of us just want to shut up but some of us perform better with noise (like me). So i'm kind of in this limbo of time where there's not enough time to leave campus but it seems like an eternity til class. Time seems to freeze when you want it to move and it passes you by when you would least like it to. Sadly it is something outside of my control no matter how hard I try to morph it.

speaking of time so much time can go on in a dream. I had an odd dream about an ex and it's really starting to make me question my feelings. I admit to myself that i was not happy the way things ended but I can tell myself with full confidence that i don't want my ex back. it wouldn't work out. things would stay the same and I wouldn't get what i want out of a partner. So why the odd dream? I use to try to analyze my dreams but now i just let them go because maybe if im lucky they will morph with my reality (except my nightmares which sometimes come true :/) So i'm going to put my pink sunglasses back on in fifty mins and sit for about an hour and listen to people talk about children and what they think. don't even get me started. i have a hard enough time figuring myself out.

p.s. check out this site http://www.flickr.com/photos/prettypony/ the artwork is amazing

It's friday!

It's friday! yay! time to run all my errands. mostly just to the library and the post office to yell at people. today feels like a sort of odd day that doesn't even belong in this week. i think it's because i woke up so late. im usually done with my first class already. well I must be going. i gotta try and get my money back and with the economy the way it is now that could take hours :/

UGHHHHHHHH!

so i hate the post office. they have left me in this horrible mess of not having a recommendation for my masters program and now I am scrambling to find someone to write me one. Oh how I loathe you! Why am I not more of a people person? poo :(

at least you can cheer me up a bit music

ok. i've calmed down a bit. So i'm really liking my society and education class. Not only did we have a great discussion about why teachers use purple pens now instead of red (kids get anxiety from red ink, go figure) but today we talked about how to help kids get their optimum learning without singling them out as needing help to their peers.

We mentioned mixed groups which just makes the less intelligent kid feel more stupid and the more intelligent kid feel smarter. I feel like of bad for saying less or more intelligent... anyway you can't single out the kids that need help either because then their peers will look badly upon them and they might even be teased. I could go on and on but i will stop for now. i gotta go. just think about it.

friendship (and the place we call work)

you never really know how strong a friendship is until it's tested. It's all about being there when they need you the most and i'm glad to know that my friends would do the same for me :)
well im going back to bed now. sweet dreams here I come!

just another one of those days

So... I'm in computer art 2 and my hands are covered in glue and tissue paper. today's gonna be a long day :/ write more later
oh and im starving! bring me a cheeseburger!

p.s. here is a poster i've been working on

ok lastly MY SCHOOL'S LIBRARY CAUGHT FIRE!!!!!! it's ok though no books were harmed in the process :)

long day

ok im tired so this will be short. Here are the highlights of my day:
roadtrip w/ friends but then we had to drop off mr. jasper to argentina sadly
ate ten dollar chicken salad at airport that had sprouts. it was ok. i was disappointed
sang my lungs out in the car and ate my body weight in junk food
had an impromptu photoshoot at the airport (now everyone prob thinks im crazy but w/e)
am now laying in bed and getting ready to pass out cus i have an 8am... yay me (at least it's watercolor)
so night all. sweet dreams go out to my man on the plane.
and to my $1.25 chai. you saved me

Yes, I am awkward

Ok so I'm Aimee. My friends convinced me to get a blog. Not quite sure why i gave in but it seemed fun and im always sputtering nonscence (p.s. i cannot spell worth crap) so I guess it's a good idea. I am currently attending college and working toward a degree in fine arts and I ultimately want to teach high school art. I work at panera bread (my second home) and therefore I eat WAAAAAAAAY too many carbs but i really could care less. But i've got to go for today because my friend wolfgang is leaving for south america and i've got a date w/ DC. So for now go out and have some fun because at least it's sunny today :)