lost

i just don't know what to do anymore. how can you control a situation when you're not the one in control? How do you ever get back to the friend zone when one of you crosses that line? you can't just go back into the past and wish that things were different. the truth is hard to face and it's proving pretty difficult at the moment. I have this giant pit in my stomach, i feel like im going to throw up and im super pissed at the same time. i don't want this one day i like you the next day i don't relationship. it's too much work. i just want to be friends. i just want the person i can talk to about anything. i was never allowed to push you away but now you're pushing me. i guess i just can't accept that sometimes there aren't happy endings as much as you may want them. real life is not always happy endings. so i end this not knowing where i stand. all i know is im confused, upset, sad and just feeling like a not so great person right now.